As the proud papa of a brand new, bouncing baby blog (yeah, the blog is in it’s infancy. This isn’t actually a Baby Blog), I have to say that in some ways, it’s just as challenging as having a real baby.
You have to nurture the blog, have all the right accessories, and most importantly, you have to fill the blog with good stuff.
And like you brag about your brand new baby, you have to brag about your brand new blog. You post your blog entries all over the interwebs, you dedicate social media accounts to your blog, and you share your blog with all your friends and family on places like Facebook and Instagram.
Then you patiently sit around and wait for people, especially friends and family, to like and comment on your new baby.
And you wait, and wait, and wait.
Now, most new blog parents would get upset and a wee bit frustrated by this lack of attention, but not me. I decided that I was going to find out just why my blog wasn’t getting as much attention as I thought it deserved. I collected a brain trust of people who were the most critical of me (my wife led this group) and had them read it. This way, I knew that they would tell me if it totally sucked. They didn’t. They asked what I was smoking with some of the stuff I wrote, but they didn’t say it sucked. Not sucking is good. I went online and started following tips by some very well established bloggers, I reached out to some of my favorite bloggers, and I started heavily networking on Twitter and other sites. Things started picking up! I noticed I was getting more page views, more unique visitors, I have been interviewed about my blog, my blog has been linked to other blogs, and I’ve actually started making a bit of a profit off my new blog.
On the flip side, I also noticed that a lot of my near and dear friends and family on my personal social media sites, haven’t liked, followed, or shared my blog. I started to think it was me, but after doing some research and talking with other bloggers, it seems that it’s not the easiest task to get attention for your blog through certain social media sites.
I could have been distressed by this, but hey, I love my new blog, and I’m willing to do what I have to, to promote it and get people, especially my family and friends, to like it, follow it, and share it.
That being said, here’s what I learned I should be doing to get it noticed more…
1. I’m going to start posting videos of my blog getting into street fights and ripping somebody’s weave out. This is so popular on social media these days, every time I look at my newsfeed, somebody shared a video of two usually really large women in too tight clothes, yanking each other around and calling each other horribly bad words, until somebody’s weave falls off. Or out. Or whatever happens to weaves when they leave somebody’s head.
2. In close second, I’m going to post videos of my blog getting “The World’s Sexiest Booty Dance.” You know, the one where it looks like one of the girls from the weave video is bumping and grinding all over some skinny little fella’s junk? The guy’s usually getting knocked this way and that by the shear ginormity of the posterior that’s bumping and grinding against him, and he’s usually got an ear to ear, gold toothed grin as he unsteadily waves around a handful of dollar bills. I’m gonna so totally post a video of my blog doing that.
3. Next up, I’m gonna have my blog post pics of itself smoking weed. It’ll be holding up a blunt, while smoke comes pouring out of it’s mouth, which is shaped into the perfect “O” shape, as if it’s saying “I’m a mOron.” Tons of people post and like those pics! Heck, nothing says “quality” like pics like that. Maybe I’ll also just take some pics of my blog’s stash. Those are pretty popular. I just hope nobody from Law Enforcement would ever have the investigative skills to do random searches of what people post on their public pages. Or potential jobs, or colleges my blog might wanna apply for. Nah, that never happens.
4. Nothing says “Follow This Blog” like posting 749 pictures of my blog wearing it’s new sneakers. Shoes make the wardrobe, and the wardrobe makes the blog. I just have to ensure that for the full effect, I make sure every single other piece of clothing my blog is wearing, matches the shoes. Man, I can just see my blog’s popularity rising!
5. I have to make sure I also post a bunch of videos that my blog took of itself fucking with people. Like, I’ll have my blog hide in a garbage can at the local Mart store and pop out when somebody walks by. Or I’ll have my blog burst into the bathroom while somebody’s on the toilet and say “Ooga Booga!” I can even have my blog do a song parody type video where it dances around, lip syncing the latest Katy Perry song.
Well, there you have it. After hours and hours of research into seeing what people like looking at on social media, I think I’ve got a sure-fire plan to get my blog some likes and followers.
I sincerely want to thank all the readers, and the dear family, friends, and fellow blog people who have, and continue to support Daddy Anarchy. Thanks to all of you, our numbers continue to grow. Please continue spreading the word!
To all the haters, non-believers, and self-righteous, condescending people out there…
I hope your weave falls off. Or out. Or whatever.