My Bieber…oops, Liebster Award


Years ago, when I was in school, I was one of those kids that absolutely hated to be called on to answer a question. I was a painfully shy, tall, geeky kid, that tried my damnedest to scrunch my lanky ass body into the smallest shape possible at my desk, to ensure minimal chances of being called on. That, and I was also a complete fucking moron and probably had no idea what the right answer was anyway.

Flash forward to now, and I’m still shy, tall, and geeky, but due to a pretty gnarly smoothie habit, I’m not quite as lanky as I used to be. I’m still kinda hesitant to answer questions, especially about myself, instead falling back on the ridiculous stuff that goes on around our house as blog fodder. In other words, I spend the majority of my time writing about making fun of my wife and kids. And other such things as my valuable opinion on pubic hair (check out Blunt Moms, it’s all there And yes, I’m still pretty much a fucking moron.

Enter Mary from the absolutely hilarious blog, Outmanned Mommy

Mary, like the teachers of my youth, called upon me to answer a question. Eleven of them to be exact. And not questions with easy answers, like “Hey dumbass, what’s 2 plus 2?” Real questions that she made up, about real life stuff. Not that Mary likes to randomly single out bloggers and make them answer questions about themselves, no…this was something much more. Something that carried real weight. By being selected to answer these questions, I had been nominated as a recipient for a Liebster Award.

Pretty cool, huh?

A follow up question might be, what the fuck is a Liebster Award?

Well, as far as I can tell from my nomination, the award recipient must do the following:
1. State 11 facts about yourself
2. Answer 11 questions asked by the previous blogger
3. Nominate 11 new bloggers for the award
4. Ask 11 questions for the next bloggers
5. Include the Liebster Award logo in your award winning post

Now, I did some research (which consisted of one Google search, and took approximately 4 minutes…sorry, self diagnosed Adult Onset ADD kicked in), and found that you only need to nominate 3 new bloggers with less than 3000 followers, which is cool by me, because there was no way I was gonna be able to nominate 11 other bloggers in one Tweet. I think that’s the somewhat official way of notifying nominees for this prestigious award.

That being said, hold on to your asses…

11 Facts About Tom

1. Two of my kids are named after people/characters in the entertainment word.
2. I have a weak spot for smoothies and Poodles.
3. I cried at the end of Free Willy.
4. I went to high school with Iron Chef Michael Simon (he has no idea who I am!)
5. I once ran down Lorain Rd. In North Olmsted, Ohio wearing nothing but a strategically placed sock.
6. I accidentally made one of the most offensive pages ever, over the loudspeaker at a large department store in Parma, Ohio
7. I almost fell over the American side of Niagara Falls. Yes, large amounts of alcohol were involved.
8. I’m currently almost two years sober. Many beer companies have never recovered from the financial setback.
I’ve suffered with sometimes paralyzing, sometimes hysterical bouts of anxiety.
10. I have menu ADD.
11. I tend to get distracted easily. I’ve been compared to Dory from

If you haven’t nodded off yet, or went searching for recipes or porn, here’s the questions asked by Mary (which are ultimately much better than the crap I just posted about myself):

1. Where did you grow up? The West Side of Cleveland, Ohio
2. What is your most embarrassing memory? See #5 above. Sobering up halfway through that run.
3. Have you ever broken the law? What did you do? I’m sure the above would probably have been frowned upon at the time.
4. What are you favorite movies of all time? Serendipity, Major League, Brothers McMullen, Streets of New York, Grosse Pointe Blank, American Pie 2, Fools Rush In, Jaws…
5. What are your guilty pleasure tv shows? Currently, Lilyhammer and Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives
6. How did you meet your spouse (or last SO)? At work. Although, I almost didn’t want to go out with her because I thought she had fake boobs.
7. Do you like to lead or follow? I like to sit off on the sidelines, relaxing and people watch.
8. Why did you start blogging? My heroes have always been writers.
9. If you could trade lives with one other person, who would it be? Me. Twenty years ago.
10. What is your spirit animal? BIgfoot. No, seriously…an orca. I love those guys. They have all the qualities a decent human should have. And they get to do really cool jumps and stuff.
11. What is your favorite blog post you’ve ever written? Yikes. I don’t know. Believe it or not, I’m not a huge fan of the stuff I create. I’m not one to go back and read something once it’s published. Especially, this.

Phew. Now that that’s over, here’s my list of recipients for the Lieberman…or Liebster Award (what the fuckever. it’s not like you’re getting a fuckin Oscar or anything.)

1. Est. 1975
2. Tantrums To Tattoos
3. Ponies and Martinis
4. Stay at Home Mama of 4

Ok. Now here’s my questions for the next group (I can’t believe someone’s trusting me enough to ask them questions):

1. Who is your favorite author?
2. Who’s your biggest hero?
3. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance, what would it be:
4. Leno or Letterman? (and don’t be a smartass and say “Leno’s not one anymore” or “what about Conan, or the other guys?”)
5. Have you ever mixed french fries with a Wendy’s Frosty?
6. Now that I’ve introduced you to mixing french fries with Frosty’s, will you try it?
7. Favorite 80s hair metal ballad?
8. If you were a comic strip character, who would it be?
9. In the next 30 seconds, name as many different words for “ass.” Go!
10. Team Edward or Team Jacob?
11. What, if any, stereotypes do you fall into?

So, there you have it. I guess I’m now a Bieber Award Winning Blogger. Lieber. FUCK! Liebster.

I really do take this award seriously. I wonder if it comes with a crown or something? Maybe a hat? I like hats. Or maybe we can all do a selfie with Ellen! Yeehaw.

Anyway, thank you so much, my dear new friend, Mary at for having me write this. And subsequently getting carpal tunnel syndrome for writing something this long.

And congrats to the new award winners! All kidding aside, they are all absolutely awesome blogs that I encourage everyone to check out!

If you’ve made it this far reading this post, please leave a comment. Not for anything else, but just to let me know you’re ok. Fuck, this was a long ass post.


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16 Comments on My Bieber…oops, Liebster Award

  1. For my first time reading your stuff, this was entertaining. I swear you were in my head! Although I wasn’t running naked with a perfectly placed sock, I’ve also been on Lorain Ave in North Olmstead. I’m a NE Ohio homegrown girl!

    Funny stuff! Glad you followed me on twitter … I think I’m gonna like you!!

    • I’m so glad you liked! Thanks! What part of NE Ohio are you from? We lived in Bay Village, Westlake, NO, North Ridgetucky, Strongsville, and Brooklyn…my parents were pretty frickin nomadic.

  2. I’m sure the trainers love them. How could you work with an animal so closely and not love them? I went to Sea World once when I was a kid, but not since then. I’ve never lived near one :-) I did get to pet a dolphin in Florida recently. That was pretty awesome.

    • That’s so cool with the dolphin thing! I was gonna take my son swimming with them for his 8th birthday in two weeks. Then I told him Jaws was actually a really big dolphin, and that just shot that whole idea to hell.

  3. So many thoughts. I’ll share three.

    1. “Lorain Rd. In North Olmsted, Ohio” You know I been there, girl.

    2. DID YOU KNOW that Ponies and Martinis and I are just a short and curly hair away from each other? I could probably spit on her from my window. If I was a really really really good spitter. (I’m not.)

    3. “Although, I almost didn’t want to go out with her because I thought she had fake boobs.” made me snort out loud in my living room. Alone at 12:30 AM.

    • And congratulations to you too! It’s an awesome feeling being a Leapster award winner, huh? FUCK! Liebster. I am so undeserving of such a prestigious award.

    • I love Orcas! I saw Blackfish, but am also a big supporter of SeaWorld, especially their rescue efforts. We live right by there, and I can actually just watch those guys for hours. The tanks, believe it or not, are not as small as people think, but I’d still like to see them out in the wild…I just don’t see how it can be done, due to how used to captivity they all are. Tilly, the big guy from the movie is beautiful. The whole thing is really bittersweet. I wrote a post about it back in January where I have a conversation about it with a talking duck… .

      And yes, I’m a Twilight fan. I read the books and saw the first two movies back when I was drinking…and I LOVED them! Then I sobered up, saw the last movies, and am like “what the fuck was I thinking???” Same thing happened to me with Nicholas Sparks movies. Thanks for including me in this, it was fun! Let me know if you ever want to write a guest post. Your stuff is hysterical!

      • Thanks so much. Glad you enjoyed the game. I, too, loved the Twilight books but now can’t really figure out why. They were just terribly addictive. I don’t really have a problem with SeaWorld either. I’m going to have to go read your post on the movie, but my overall feeling was “DUH” as I was watching it. Orcas are predators. Why are we surprised that they attacked people? It’s like lion taming or something. Fair enough if you want to be that guy who puts his head in the lion’s mouth, but don’t be surprised when he bites you. I wasn’t really that concerned with the behavior of Sea World. I may have missed the point of the film though 😛

        • SeaWorld actually had a great response to the film. Proved a lot of it to be misinformation. Oh well, I guess I’m really just thankful the whales get the best possible care they can, and the rest of us get an awesome opportunity to see them up close. You can really tell though, how much the trainers love the whales. I would so love that.

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